[best (and worst) of 2010 ]

2010 is just hours from being over... wow...how fast the time flies?! I do this every year since I've blogged on Xanga in 2002, so I will keep up my annual list of my personal top 10 best of 2010 and the top 5 worst! 2010 was definitely crazy, had its ups and downs; I hope 2011 is just as crazy and a lot better!

Top 5 Worst

5. Killing Bambi with my Car - In my 6 years of driving, I had never hit anything while driving...let alone an animal but when that deer decided to commit suicide in front of my car, I was so devastated. It was an open road so I would floor it, but little to my knowledge, Bambi was waiting at the next bend in the road to cut the cord!

4. Bambi leaving a dent... and then some  - Just when I thought that killing Bambi was the worst thing, little did I know that she would completely damage my headlamp and leave a remembrance of her with it... see left :(

3. Debt overload- the mixture of bad spending habits, student loans, and lots of car repairs led to a depressing few months of debt overload. I really couldnt concentrate on school or anything but my debt..it was rough believe me

2. New York Giants and Eli Manning -- need I say more :(

1. Graduating College -- leaving UD undergrad was definitely a sad time(but happy at the same time, check below)...It would be the last time I would see a lot of my friends which definitely got me in a rut. Even though I would go back to UD for Grad School, it was definitely the end for an era for me.. Things would change. 

BEST OF 2010

10. URBANA 2009-2010 - I rang in the new year worshipping with over 24,000 other Christians from all around the world at Urbana in St. Louis... I learned about global missions, how to hear God's calling, and to really understand God's love and our response to that towards ourselves, each other, and God. Definitely an epic road trip to St. Louis and I was able to get closer with God and find myself. 

9. Daytona Missions Trip - definitely one of the best spring breaks I've ever had -- I was able to have what may be the closest thing to the regular "College Spring Break" because I was in warm Florida and on the beach but I was there for anything but "regular". I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and spoke to beach-goers about God and had some amazing and challenging conversations. I also got really close with my friends and learned that my car could handle 17 hours back and forth!

8. Graduated College -- I know this was in my worst of 2010, but this  was definitely also an amazing feat for me. For years ago, I had totally different intentions for my major and degree. The last four years saw so many changes in major and minor and I didn't know I was going to graduate with the major I wanted to, let alone graduate on time! Walking in May 2010 was rewarding...I knew that four years was definitely over and it was my time to leave. 

7. Getting into Grad School- hah so of course you know I got into UD for grad school, so its like I never left right? Wrong. Its definitely a lot different. New Friends. New Apartment. New Classes. New style of learning and studying....I didnt know I was going to even get in because of my undergraduate GPA and I applied really late so I didnt know if there were any spots left. But God had a different plan and decided that this was where I needed to be. I LOVE this program and I know its what I want to do.. among many things heh

6. Getting a Full Ride for Grad School(and then some) -- So I was able to secure a graduate assistantship that would pay for my full tuition at school and provide me with more than $15K a year on top of that for living and other expenses! It's definitely helped me out a lot as it's paying for a lot of my expenses and helping my debt situation. Definitely a huge blessing that I feel I take for granted so much!

5. USPSA Conference and meeting Quinn, Jake, and Courtney - so in high school I was really a big part of the US Public Service Academy and trying to get a bill passed in Congress to build it. I hadn't really been too involved with it in undergrad but they invited me to a conference in DC where we would lobby on Capitol Hill and try to get it passed. Little did I know was I would find some pretty amazing friends that I would gain for a lifetime...I met Courtney bc she was also a Coca Cola Scholar but with her were two rising HS seniors Jake and Quinn who I would become really close with in just three days. We all still communicate with each other SO much and I'm so happy i went on that random conference because I wouldn't have met them.

4. Spragg Lake -- So I went to Brianna Spragg's lake house for a day this summer in the Poconos and may have been the greatest time I've spent away from civilization and just time with God, friends, and nature. We had so much fun swimming in the freezing lake, playing crazy games, having dance parties and burning cookies. We had long talks about God and spent some time sitting by the dock...It was there that I got really close with Ryan Jones and Sean Spurdle.. two of my best friends...

3. Middetown HS Marching Band -- wow.. so I didn't think I was going to be teaching color guard or marching band this fall due to Grad school, but something or someONe kept telling me to stay at middletown this  year after failing to find a replacement for me and Jess. This may have been the best decision ever. The band did amazingly well, no matter what the judges put on paper, but more importantly, I found a family I always wanted. The band kids became some of my greatest friends and they just love each other so much and took me in as if I was a part of the band. Sure the band show was amazing, and our football team made it all the way to finals, but I think it was the kids that kept me there and encouraged me cut class so I could be with them. It was all worth it b/c I did well this semester and I had some quality time with the band...I miss them dearly right now. 

2. FCA Camp - So in May, Meghan Morrow asked me if I wanted to join her and Matt Brianik in going to be a coach/huddle leader at Fellowship of Christian Athlete's Summer Sports Power Camp at Kutztown University. I wasn't going to go because it would interfere with work, but I worked it out some how.... I was kind of afraid because they put me with baseball, a sport I knew little about...but the group, with my co-leader David Guarino, took me in with open arms. And I would have one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Being a leader of 11 high school guys who were so in love with baseball, each other, and God.... it was amazing. I saw hundreds of athletes accept Christ for the first time and I saw miracles happen.....I would soon become best friends with a couple of them... and would change my entire life forever..

1. Fantastic 4 - and Brian - From FCA camp, a bunch of us would meet up this summer at the jersey shore and would become some of my best friends... Ubowski, Scags and Robbie would become some of my best friends from FCA. They have been there through thick and thin and they have provided me with amazing friendship and fellowship and brotherhood. I had a rough last few months of 2010 and if it wasn't for them, I didn't know what I would do. I would go to Harleysville to hang with Ubowski and the Souderton guys which have been amazing and I've been able to go over to the Jersey shore a lot and get to know Robbie and Scagnelli. Robbie had a really good friend named Brian who goes to Coastal Carolina, and through the internet, I've become really good friends with. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. We talk on oovoo almost every day and he is such an amazing guy. He has no idea how amazing he is, thats what makes him so amazing. God definitely sent these guys to me during a time of loneliness and depression, when I didnt know who my true friends were and when I was transition from undergrad to grad school. I was a wreck, and God provided me with these four guys....to provide me with loyal friends and everlasting relationships....Thanks God and thanks guys :)

Hope y'all have an amazing 2011!

[best (and worst) of 2010 ]

2010 is just hours from being over... wow...how fast the time flies?! I do this every year since I've blogged on Xanga in 2002, so I will keep up my annual list of my personal top 10 best of 2010 and the top 5 worst! 2010 was definitely crazy, had its ups and downs; I hope 2011 is just as crazy and a lot better!

Top 5 Worst

5. Killing Bambi with my Car - In my 6 years of driving, I had never hit anything while driving...let alone an animal but when that deer decided to commit suicide in front of my car, I was so devastated. It was an open road so I would floor it, but little to my knowledge, Bambi was waiting at the next bend in the road to cut the cord!

4. Bambi leaving a dent... and then some  - Just when I thought that killing Bambi was the worst thing, little did I know that she would completely damage my headlamp and leave a remembrance of her with it... see left :(

3. Debt overload- the mixture of bad spending habits, student loans, and lots of car repairs led to a depressing few months of debt overload. I really couldnt concentrate on school or anything but my debt..it was rough believe me

2. New York Giants and Eli Manning -- need I say more :(

1. Graduating College -- leaving UD undergrad was definitely a sad time(but happy at the same time, check below)...It would be the last time I would see a lot of my friends which definitely got me in a rut. Even though I would go back to UD for Grad School, it was definitely the end for an era for me.. Things would change. 

BEST OF 2010

10. URBANA 2009-2010 - I rang in the new year worshipping with over 24,000 other Christians from all around the world at Urbana in St. Louis... I learned about global missions, how to hear God's calling, and to really understand God's love and our response to that towards ourselves, each other, and God. Definitely an epic road trip to St. Louis and I was able to get closer with God and find myself. 

9. Daytona Missions Trip - definitely one of the best spring breaks I've ever had -- I was able to have what may be the closest thing to the regular "College Spring Break" because I was in warm Florida and on the beach but I was there for anything but "regular". I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and spoke to beach-goers about God and had some amazing and challenging conversations. I also got really close with my friends and learned that my car could handle 17 hours back and forth!

8. Graduated College -- I know this was in my worst of 2010, but this  was definitely also an amazing feat for me. For years ago, I had totally different intentions for my major and degree. The last four years saw so many changes in major and minor and I didn't know I was going to graduate with the major I wanted to, let alone graduate on time! Walking in May 2010 was rewarding...I knew that four years was definitely over and it was my time to leave. 

7. Getting into Grad School- hah so of course you know I got into UD for grad school, so its like I never left right? Wrong. Its definitely a lot different. New Friends. New Apartment. New Classes. New style of learning and studying....I didnt know I was going to even get in because of my undergraduate GPA and I applied really late so I didnt know if there were any spots left. But God had a different plan and decided that this was where I needed to be. I LOVE this program and I know its what I want to do.. among many things heh

6. Getting a Full Ride for Grad School(and then some) -- So I was able to secure a graduate assistantship that would pay for my full tuition at school and provide me with more than $15K a year on top of that for living and other expenses! It's definitely helped me out a lot as it's paying for a lot of my expenses and helping my debt situation. Definitely a huge blessing that I feel I take for granted so much!

5. USPSA Conference and meeting Quinn, Jake, and Courtney - so in high school I was really a big part of the US Public Service Academy and trying to get a bill passed in Congress to build it. I hadn't really been too involved with it in undergrad but they invited me to a conference in DC where we would lobby on Capitol Hill and try to get it passed. Little did I know was I would find some pretty amazing friends that I would gain for a lifetime...I met Courtney bc she was also a Coca Cola Scholar but with her were two rising HS seniors Jake and Quinn who I would become really close with in just three days. We all still communicate with each other SO much and I'm so happy i went on that random conference because I wouldn't have met them.

4. Spragg Lake -- So I went to Brianna Spragg's lake house for a day this summer in the Poconos and may have been the greatest time I've spent away from civilization and just time with God, friends, and nature. We had so much fun swimming in the freezing lake, playing crazy games, having dance parties and burning cookies. We had long talks about God and spent some time sitting by the dock...It was there that I got really close with Ryan Jones and Sean Spurdle.. two of my best friends...

3. Middetown HS Marching Band -- wow.. so I didn't think I was going to be teaching color guard or marching band this fall due to Grad school, but something or someONe kept telling me to stay at middletown this  year after failing to find a replacement for me and Jess. This may have been the best decision ever. The band did amazingly well, no matter what the judges put on paper, but more importantly, I found a family I always wanted. The band kids became some of my greatest friends and they just love each other so much and took me in as if I was a part of the band. Sure the band show was amazing, and our football team made it all the way to finals, but I think it was the kids that kept me there and encouraged me cut class so I could be with them. It was all worth it b/c I did well this semester and I had some quality time with the band...I miss them dearly right now. 

2. FCA Camp - So in May, Meghan Morrow asked me if I wanted to join her and Matt Brianik in going to be a coach/huddle leader at Fellowship of Christian Athlete's Summer Sports Power Camp at Kutztown University. I wasn't going to go because it would interfere with work, but I worked it out some how.... I was kind of afraid because they put me with baseball, a sport I knew little about...but the group, with my co-leader David Guarino, took me in with open arms. And I would have one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Being a leader of 11 high school guys who were so in love with baseball, each other, and God.... it was amazing. I saw hundreds of athletes accept Christ for the first time and I saw miracles happen.....I would soon become best friends with a couple of them... and would change my entire life forever..

1. Fantastic 4 - and Brian - From FCA camp, a bunch of us would meet up this summer at the jersey shore and would become some of my best friends... Ubowski, Scags and Robbie would become some of my best friends from FCA. They have been there through thick and thin and they have provided me with amazing friendship and fellowship and brotherhood. I had a rough last few months of 2010 and if it wasn't for them, I didn't know what I would do. I would go to Harleysville to hang with Ubowski and the Souderton guys which have been amazing and I've been able to go over to the Jersey shore a lot and get to know Robbie and Scagnelli. Robbie had a really good friend named Brian who goes to Coastal Carolina, and through the internet, I've become really good friends with. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. We talk on oovoo almost every day and he is such an amazing guy. He has no idea how amazing he is, thats what makes him so amazing. God definitely sent these guys to me during a time of loneliness and depression, when I didnt know who my true friends were and when I was transition from undergrad to grad school. I was a wreck, and God provided me with these four guys....to provide me with loyal friends and everlasting relationships....Thanks God and thanks guys :)

Hope y'all have an amazing 2011!

[there is light at the end of the tunnel]

Monday night, while I was studying for a final exam in the student center, one of my old friends came by and asked me how I was doing. I didn't want to lie to him and say "I'm great", so I pretty much told him what was up and how I was struggling... what he told me after changed everything:

"God will never give us more than we can handle. He is doing great things in you Marc. While this may seem like a rough time for you, He is shaping and molding you for bigger and better things He has in store." and then we spoke about James 1:2-4 which says "Consider it  pure JOY, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds. For the testing of your faith develops PERSEVERANCE." 

Boy did I needed that. 

Anyway's an update of how things are going. I feel like every day He shows me how much I doubt His power in my life, so He keeps providing me with what I need at the moment I need it. After getting declined one of my loans like three times, I finally got approved and now waiting for details. I checked my bank account the other day, and it was twice the amount it was the day before. I think one of my jobs from the summer decided to finally pay me! Middletown's marching band is buying the videos/picture sets I made for the season and thats definitely helping me out.

So while I am agonizing over the unexpected expenses I have incurred over the last few weeks, He still finds a way to defy my expectations and come up with just enough to get me through. 

I am blessed...

Truly...

I also thank the number of people who have showed compassion and concern for me. It really means a lot that you care about whats going on in my life and I appreciate the support you have given me. Thank you so much

Marc

[still struggling to breathe]

It seems like my life gets harder and harder every day. I wasn't able to pay the minimum monthly payment for my credit card debt on Friday...I barely made my electric payment....and my car is in need of repairs and new tires.  Just when I thought it was bad, I got into an annoying accident on Sunday on the way to DE from NJ, hitting a deer and ruining my headlights... probably another $400+ of damages...

I relaxed a bit way too much this weekend and didnt do ANY of the  work I was supposed to get done. And this happens to be the most hectic week of my life.. and I found that out yesterday...

Im struggling to find work for winter session to pay off my debt and I need to get a loan for my classes...

Too much to think about and I'm honestly bogged down....

While walking to work today I prayed to God.... "I NEED A MIRACLE"...

And then I remembered that 2000, that Miracle I asked for came in human form.... and that I need not worry in this world..

I really WANT to believe that and have that in my heart... that despite the struggles of this world, I have overcome because HE overcame... I want to believe that and live like it...

It's tough.... really it is....

[temporary gasp for air]

the last few days have been "bittersweet"..."sweet" because its the most fun ive had in a while: bowling with cohort, harry potter 7 with small group, bon fire, UD football tailgate, and ud volleyball game tonight.... just legit fun and kind of helped me forget about the circumstance i am in...."bitter" because amidst all this happiness, im currently in the toughest two months ive ever had to face...

dealing with this debt has been the hardest thing...im living paycheck to paycheck, unable to pay off my credit card $4000 debt because i only get paid enough to pay what I owe that month, and unable to pay even the minimum per month...i would get notices in the mail with electricity and cable threatening to turn off service if I dont pay, and with God's grace I have been able to pay it at the last minute...

my car is proving to be a detriment to me, as i couple months ago the mechanics told me I needed new tires plus about $500 worth of brake repairs... so while I fear for my life as I drive, I know I can't afford to pay for even the new tires...

i even begged my work to increase my monthly disbursement of my stipend or giving me a lump sum to pay off my debt, but they said it goes against their policies....so I continue to incur interest as I fail to make payments for my credit card...

grad school decides to surprise me and make me pay for winter session, which had I known I had to pay for, would have not agreed to apply... but now I have to ask for  $4500 loan for winter session which I dont know how I'll get approved.

what's worse is that i have no support whatsoever... my parents are completely upset with me, and my mom has been ignoring my phone calls...the people who I usually can count on to provide me comfort and tell me "its going to be okay" have left me in the dust... im embarrassed to go home for thanksgiving because I dont want to show my face to my parents... i feel like ive failed them

one thing that has gotten me through was the notion that despite this, God has provided me a victory and I need to understand that while I am struggling in this world, its only temporary and will pass....I know God is testing my faith to see if will remain faithful even in the desert.... "God doesn't necessarily change our circumstances but changes our perspective"--FCA 2010 quote. I'm trying to keep in mind that He will provide and that he has "plans for me, to prosper and not harm me, to provide me hope and a future.."--Jeremiah 29:11

while these times are somber and my circumstances are rough... I understand that "to everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heavens... a time to break down, a time to build up.... a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to weep, a time to dance..." Ecclessiastes 3:1-8....I don't know what season or reason for everything.. but I know He has a purpose for everything.... when I figure that out, I'll let you know....

Thanks for all the prayers and support....

Marc

[gasping for air]

i feel trapped.... i feel like im drowning in an abyss, with my legs shackled, unable to paddle up to the surface for air....i feel like im in a maze with no way out.... i feel hopeless.

$4000 in debt and no money in the bank to pay for food/rent/bills. The money I make with my stipend is able to pay part of it, and I usually have to wait for the next paycheck until its enough to pay one bill, so I'm often behind on my payments.

I know I did this to myself and it was only a matter of time until my habits started to punish me... but I've never been more depressed and stressed about something....

I can't do my homework....I havent been excited to go out and be with friends... when I'm with the people I love, I feel distant. I was hanging with my best friends whom I havent seen in 2 months last weekend, and while I was happy to see them,  I wasn't myself. I wasn't the Marc they knew 2 months ago.... I don't know if they noticed...I tried faking being happy... but I was bothered by the looming dark cloud trailing behind me.

I want to have faith to know that God will provide... but right now its tough when deadlines are missed and bills are overdue. I've been trying to be wise about my spending habits... but theres no hope when Im so far in this hole....

I neeed a miracle...

DEVO: Counting on God

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
-Proverbs 16:9 (NLT) 


My friend Sam is a promising, young basketball player. He has all the skills necessary in order to play varsity at his school, but recent injuries and other setbacks have gotten in the way of his hoop dreams. In fact, he just found out he has a stress fracture in his shin, which is news that, at 16, can be heartbreaking.  Even though Sam has an unbelievable support system at home, this setback has been incredibly difficult for him to handle.

In life, there aren’t many guarantees. We may have the best game of our life today and then have the worst tomorrow. The only thing we can do is obey our calling to be faithful and do our best for God’s glory.

But what happens when you don’t feel God in your life? You know He is there, but it sure doesn’t seem like it or feel like it. In the Proverbs verse above, we read that we can make our plans, but we don’t determine our steps. Who does? The Lord. But what if His way isn’t MY way? That is a big question in sports, especially when it comes to injuries. And, I wish I could give you all the answers, but I can’t. Everyone’s situation is different, and we aren’t all the same. The only thing we can count on is that we all are loved by the same faithful God who is always the same—today, tomorrow, and forever.

I’ve had my share of setbacks in life—from cancer, to problems with my heart and blood pressure. But one thing I have always been able to count on is God. We all are in a spiritual fight and taking part in a war not of this world. But like it says in one popular song, there is a light that is beautiful and we can have joy unspeakable that won’t go away—enough strength to make it today and the promise that we won’t have to worry what each day will bring. We can have a rock-solid faith.

Boy, does that sound good or what? How can we have this type of peace and faith? It starts by counting on God daily. No matter what life throws at us, we can count on God to determine our steps.

As for Sam, time will tell where his heart will go. These setbacks will either grow him or consume him. Our prayer is that Sam will be counting on God through the good times and the bad, and that when he looks back in years to come, he will know without a shadow of doubt that God was ALWAYS there. Just like He is for you and for me. 
 
1. What circumstances in your life are making you doubt God?
2. Have you had a major injury or setback that caused you pain and suffering? How did you feel about God during these times?
3. What did you learn about Him through that time? If you’re going through it right now, what have you learned so far, and what do you think He wants you to learn?
4. Pray today that you can find that unspeakable joy and that no matter what life throws your way you will count on God to help, comfort, and teach you how you should respond. 

Extra Verses 
Isaiah 55:8-9
Hebrews 13:8 

DEVO: Who's Running With You?

 

“…God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
-Hebrews 13:5b 

Last year, I volunteered at a 5K.  That basically meant that I stood at a certain place and made sure the runners went the right direction. The high school students had to make three laps, so I saw all of them three times.
One particular runner was fourth-from-last on the first lap. On the second lap, he was last, and I thought there was no way he would even finish. He was struggling to breathe with each step he took. On the final lap, as he approached me, a man from the sidelines joined him and completed the race with him. The man was definitely not dressed to run as he was in street clothes, yet he stayed with the runner to the end. Perhaps without the man running beside him, this runner might not have finished.
After the race was complete, I saw the man and asked if he was the coach. He said, “No, I am his father." As I reflected on his comments, I thought, "What a great example of what my heavenly Father does for me." When I am gasping for breath, struggling with each step, my Father is running with me to encourage me each step of the way.  

Questions: 

1. In life, do you ever feel like this runner?
2. Do you believe that God is with you at all times?
3. Do you have Christian brothers and sisters in your life who can encourage you in tough times? If so, how does that help you realize God’s presence in your life?
4. How can you encourage someone today who is struggling? 

Cool Verses:

Exodus 17:8-16
Psalm 86:15
1 Thessalonians 5:11

View from the Top

This summer I had an opportunity to go hiking with my friends. We spent some time driving through a national park, and at one point decided to take a break to get out and stretch our legs.
The park itself includes thousands of acres of desolate land with countless geographic features to hike and explore. We didn’t have a whole lot of time, but we decided to see the arch aptly named “Delicate Arch.” Because of our schedule, we set out to explore the arch from the more distant, lower view. From the parking lot to the viewing area was about a half a mile on an uphill, rocky, dusty trail. Mixed with the elevation and heat, it wasn't a simple walk to the overlook. You had to really want to see it.
Once we got to the top, I was able to spend a little time just standing in awe and worshiping our creative God before we made our descent. About a third of the way back down, I crossed paths with a family hiking up. I overheard a young boy complaining to his dad about being hot and tired and not wanting to go any farther. His dad asked if he wanted to go on or just sit there and wait until they came back down. “I don't want to go any farther. I'll just wait here,” he said.
“That's silly,” I thought. “You got out of the car, got a sneak peek, made it most of the way to the top, and now you want to stop before you've even seen the best part?”
Not even steps later I felt God speak to me. I turned around and looked up at where the boy was on the trail and his view of the arch. From the parking lot, a sneak peak of the arch was visible up a narrow canyon, but the best view was from the top. On the trail, though, the arch was hidden. He couldn't see it.
I think a similar thing happens to us often as Christians. We've given our lives to Christ. We've seen evidence of Him working in and around us. But as time goes on we put our heads down, and our view becomes obstructed. We sit down and don't want to go any farther.
As I thought about it, God assured me of something that He repeated many times in the Bible: He's still there and will always be there. Think about it. Regardless of whether or not the boy moved up or down on the trail, Delicate Arch wouldn't keep moving farther and farther away the closer he got to the top. And Jesus won't move farther away from us, either.
You wouldn’t sit down in a marathon at mile 20 because you couldn’t see the finish line, would you? And because you know the distance, you know there will be a finish line at mile 26.2. You know the line won’t keep moving farther away.
My prayer today is that, even in the times when our view becomes obstructed, we won't sit down. May we, instead, run to our Savior who is waiting for us. He’s not going anywhere, of that we can be sure. The very trail we've started on has been cleared by Him for us to see Him better if we just keep moving.

Checkout:

Deuteronomy 31:6
Proverbs 3:5-6
Philippians 1:6
Hebrews 12:1-3 

life

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when You do You make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer You, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love You
Oh God, I love You
And life is now worth living
If only because of You
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to You
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again 

I'm a Part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit

Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has

been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow

down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,

and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight

walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,

mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or

popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,

regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by

patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my

way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,

or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the

presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the

pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of

mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed

up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a

disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,

preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My

colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the

power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.." (Romans 1:16)

[so this is summer part deux]

its JULY 20th.....woah baby...this summer has been flying...so much has happened and just like I say each summer....this is the best summer I've ever had--lets hope this upward trend continues forever!

Aside from the fact I've been working at Mad Science and the UD Computing sites, which has been a real treat and doesn't feel like work at all, I took a week off to go to Kutztown with Meghan Morrow and Matt Brianik we worked at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Sports Camp. Oh-Em-Gee is all I gotta say. I was given a group of baseball players to lead, which is a sport I know a LOT about but have absolutely NO skill in. I was petrified of whether my group of 11 high school baseball players would respect me as a leader because I all I could do was play volleyball--also I didn't know how I was going to lead and impact these guys when I was going through a lot of things back at home in Delaware... well God uses moments in which we are weak to showcase His masterwork! 

Over the course of the week I developed really close fellowship with my guys--we would spend all night talking about life, God's work in us, our struggles, our futures, our relationships....it was as if we knew each other so well. God was definitely working in each of their hearts, as only a handful came in knowing they "believed" in Christ, and about 3-4 more left the camp as "new believers". It was amazing seeing each guy seek and grow in their understanding of God, and then each finally let go of the chains of the past that bound them and to seek freedom in Christ. I had never been so moved, and put to tears over a group of teenagers in my life. Even more amazing was that each day, they served one another, broke bread with each other, and expressed LOVE with one other.... reminding me of Acts 2:

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.....All the believers were together and had everything in common....They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-46 (NIV)

Even now that they are away from each other, they continue to seek fellowship with one another, sending one another messages of encouragement and of prayer, inspiration and accountability. Lets remind ourselves that these are 14-17 year old guys we're talking about!

About a week later a bunch of us met up at the beach and we went on an adventure of epic proportions and had the time of our lives! They have really been keeping up with me and I with them, and its amazing to see how much they're growing with God and on their own! Here is a video of our Epic Adventure. YOUTUBE

MORE TO COME!

[So this is summer]

So... Im graduated.... and what a ride that was! Interesting and the weeks before it were... interesting to say the least...definitely eye-opening and realized things I should've realized a long time ago, but better now than never I guess. Having this break is definitely well needed and glad its a change of scenery and a break from the norm from this crazy school year.

Since graduation, which has only been the last 2 weeks, Ive done quite a lot. Spent a couple of days at Spragg Lake in the Poconos with Bri, Kathleen, Lexi, Sean, Ryan, and Kelsey... one of the most relaxing things I've done in a while. Before that I was back and forth in Newark and Hackensack, with which I went to Six Flags with Jemar, Zandra, and James, just like old times(except not with Francis and Jeka :( 

I hung out with my homies from HS and got caught up... its weird how we're all graduated and moving on.. bitter sweet.

But now I've moved in to my new apartment and starting a new chapter in my life. Its beautiful to say the least and I've definitely been blessed with a cheap apartment! I've been hanging with a lot of friends and making dinners, and having movie nights and really enjoying life without school work or worries. 

One thing that God has blessed me with is giving me a number of meaningful accountable relationships with a bunch of close guy friends, something I've needed for a while now. People who can challenge me to keep the faith, and really seek God in my life, relationships, job, school, and living. These guys have come to me with their life issues, good or bad, and I've been able to share about mine in order that we can challenge each other to keep God in the forefront of our lives and not in the back burner as we sometimes fall in the habit of doing. A bunch of us are reading some good books and I love how we can all talk about it and share about what we've learned or how God has shown us something new and practical. I never really liked reading but having others read a long and learning more about God definitely makes me want to read. Currently reading Crazy Love and Wild at Heart, and its definitely been a rewarding read thus far.

So this is fellowship... I love it...

[He gives and takes away]

Now that classes are over for my undergraduate career, I've had lots of time to think and reflect on life, and more importantly how much God has blessed me the last 4 years here at the University of Delaware. Graduation is within a week or so, and pretty soon I'm done with school and off to the real world.......ehhh scratch that.. not quite... if you've been following me, you know I'm back here for grad school in the fall... anyways, it's definitely not going to be the same in the fall and a totally new experience and lifestyle.

But what has been going through my head lately is how throughout my four years here, God has provided. He's provided financially, to be able to afford school as well as my high maintenance lifestyle. He's provided me with the strength to do well in school and to keep up with my grades(I don't know how I did it!). He gave me the chance for graduate school as well as an assistantship to pay for it FULLY and give me a yearly stipend on top of it. He's provided me with hundreds of thousands of amazing relationships and friendships, some that I have kept for all this time, or some that were only meant for a snapshot of my life. He's provided me with people I could just share my life with, in the happiest of moments, the saddest of moments, and the angriest of moments. They've been there for me, thanks to Him. He's provided me comfort the last four years and has helped me feel safe. His peace has allowed me to feel unstressed and at ease in my life.

However, the most beautiful thing that God has done for me(which is beautiful in hindsight, maybe not at the time) is that He's taken all of this away from me at some point. There were times in my life where I struggled financially, times where I was rejected from schools, there were dead ends and it seemed as if there was no tomorrow. There were times when I had no one to look to for strength, no one to talk to, no one who would understand what I was feeling-- times when I was just alone. Times of desperation, depression and sadness, with that painful, achy feeling that just wouldn't go away. There were times when everything that could go wrong, went wrong, times when doors were shut and it felt like the world was against me. It felt like God was against me.....

But it was those times that God had spoken to me and asked me "Marc, where do you find your strength in? Where is your hope in? Where is your faith stored? It is not in money, for money is a gift I provide not a deity to worship. It is not in your reputation or what you've accomplished, for those will come and go and fade away. It is not in friendships and relationships, for just like you, are man-made and are flawed and are subject to failure at some point. Yes it is true I have provided all these for you, and it is I whom you need to find your strength in. It is I who has suffered, endured pain, and died to save you. It is I who still provides when you forget about me. I have never left you. I was always there."

God blesses us and takes it away from us to help us realize where our heart lies. Where do we find our fulfillment? Where do we find our hope? In things on Earth that will die out and decay--or in things that will last forever? Sometimes, the things He provides us become our Hope and Faith, and they become higher than the God who provided it. He wants us to realize that above all things, we need to find our hope in Him....and not to rely fully on the gifts He's provided us, because He can easily take those away. But what will never leave is His eternal love for us.

Job was a sinless and faithful man... and at one point God took away EVERY blessing given to Job. And yet Job says, " The Lord gives, the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job 1:22. I pray that in hard times, times of loneliness, times of depression and financial problems, times of failure and defeat, that you find God as your absolute source of hope.

[things fall apart... and eventually....they come together]

Oh how long has it been since I've blogged. Can't say I've been too busy... more like lazy. But lots of things have happened since I've last written. Long story short:
I have a lovely, beautiful girlfriend-- Lauren Muller <3 as of April 19, 2010.
I got into graduate school as of April 21, 2010.
And I am finally 22, and spent my birthday weekend at Wildwood and in Philadelphia with my best friends to watch the Phillies CRUSH the Mets (what a Glorious Day), and then got Cheesesteaks at Pat's at midnight when I turned 22.... great birthday!

The one thing I've been seeing in my life is how GOD works in miraculous ways, and also how he works in his time, not on ours. I definitely waited a long time to hear about my Grad school acceptance. In all honesty, with my grades, I wasn't too optimistic about my graduate school acceptance. I didn't think I was good enough for grad school, seeing how much I slacked the last 3 years. But even God surpassed my doubts and He made things work. I also had been waiting a long time to ask Lauren; I had been having my doubts as to whether I was ready for a relationship as well as whether Lauren had the same feelings for me. But when I finally mustered up the confidence to as her out(as well as the support from about a number of my close friends heh.. thanks for the encouragement guys), it was well worth the wait! I think God needed me to figure out my life and to learn more about her before I thrusted myself into the relationship, even though I probably could have asked her out a month prior and the answer would've been the same (Hopefully :P)

One thing I've learned to realize is that God has gotten me through some rough times. He has helped me in my storms and dark times and each time, he has taken me to the peak of the mountain to catch a glimmer of sunshine peaking through the clouds, reminding me that there is more to this life. And each journey through the dark forest, he's promised me a way out, and he's never broken that promise. Because of his amazing track record in my life, I am growing stronger and stronger in His trust. I've been able to go into trials and tribulations knowing that He is teaching me to Let Go and to trust and that He will carry me on eagle's wings. Things will never be easy, and each new trial is 10x harder than the last, but it's only building perseverance in my trust and maturity in God.

In James 1:2-4 it says : Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I have learned what it means to fully live this out and I pray that you too can understand what it means to fully surrender and persevere. I have also learned the "secret to be content" in whatever situation I've been placed in, because my faith in God has provided me that secret:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13

I pray that you can understand this verse and truly understand that with God, you can be fully content in life, whether in need or want, whether well fed or Hungry. When you're suffering, depressed, in need , thirsty for something more, as I have been in life, realize the Gift of Love and Grace that God has given you, and your will learn the secret to be content in any and all of these situations.

formspring.me

Yo-it took me two weeks to actually figure this out but Ask me anything http://formspring.me/markymarc53

[Interesting Spring Ahead.... and Snow Day(s)]

It's the second day of the semester and already.... we have had two snow days! On top of that, judging from the two classes I had yesterday out of my total of 3 and a half classes Im taking this semester.... Its going to be an interesting last semester of college.. lets just say that God has an FUNNY sense of humor with the situations he has placed me in. Life is without surprises and Im glad that there's never a dull/boring moment in it. Day one was definitely interesting; I can only imagine what the rest has in store.

I've kept busy since the last time I've written. Winter Semester was really relaxing and enjoyable--hanging out with old friends, getting to know new ones and working on relationships. It was definitely a good time. Class was amazing... I got really into it, and hopefully my grade shows that. I taught color guard every other day and thats been rewarding, seeing the girls really improve and grow into the choreography I wrote. My internship at Castle for Senate is always hustlin' and bustlin' with never a boring day at the office.

I've kept busy with an endeavor I began since the Haiti earthquake.  Two days after the earthquake and after watching the aftermath on CNN,  I knew God was telling me to help out. I knew that I didn't have money on my own, but he's blessed me with good ideas to raise money in the past so I knew that a t-shirt definitely had to come through with this. I made a design, consulted with my partner in crime Daniel Schroeder, and days later we were in the Newspaper, on TV, and working with President Harker on a project to raise money for Haiti. I joined up with 4 other student leaders and we created a large coalition of Student organizations aimed at raising money for Haiti, specifically rebuilding the Vill Hospital in Haiti! With a benefit concert already finalized and many smaller scale events, we've really gone far with our efforts! Hopefully we raise $50,000 by the end of the Spring so we can rebuild the hospital. God is definitely going to provide! I know it

Anyways, off to figure out what I'm going to do with my snow day. Maybe play in it; maybe watch some movies and hang out with friends! 

Enjoy your snow day!

[Change]

2010 is a big year of change for me...and as you probably know even hearing the word "change" freaks me out. If you know me well, you all know when plans change, or when things get off track, or when I have to do something out of my normal routine, I tend to go haywire--So much more now that I am graduating and leaving my life as an undergrad student. I'm moving out of the dorms and into my own apartment. I have to enter the "Real World" [cue girl screaming from horror movies].

This is the one thing I am asking God to allow me to have strength in. I need him to give me strength to be flexible, changeable, malleable, and faithful in knowing that whatever situation I'm placed it whether it is ideal or not, God is in control and I need not worry. I need strength to realize the changes I need to make in my life and then the strength to make those changes. There are way too many things in my life [habits, personality traits, etc] that need improvement and I need to stop sitting idly by as I watch them corrode my life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


By the way, I know I have yet to Blog about Urbana, but that will be for another date when I have fully processed the entire experience... and as of now, I'm still fried and trying to cool off.