It seems like my life gets harder and harder every day. I wasn't able to pay the minimum monthly payment for my credit card debt on Friday...I barely made my electric payment....and my car is in need of repairs and new tires. Just when I thought it was bad, I got into an annoying accident on Sunday on the way to DE from NJ, hitting a deer and ruining my headlights... probably another $400+ of damages...
I relaxed a bit way too much this weekend and didnt do ANY of the work I was supposed to get done. And this happens to be the most hectic week of my life.. and I found that out yesterday...
Im struggling to find work for winter session to pay off my debt and I need to get a loan for my classes...
Too much to think about and I'm honestly bogged down....
While walking to work today I prayed to God.... "I NEED A MIRACLE"...
And then I remembered that 2000, that Miracle I asked for came in human form.... and that I need not worry in this world..
I really WANT to believe that and have that in my heart... that despite the struggles of this world, I have overcome because HE overcame... I want to believe that and live like it...
It's tough.... really it is....
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
[temporary gasp for air]
the last few days have been "bittersweet"..."sweet" because its the most fun ive had in a while: bowling with cohort, harry potter 7 with small group, bon fire, UD football tailgate, and ud volleyball game tonight.... just legit fun and kind of helped me forget about the circumstance i am in...."bitter" because amidst all this happiness, im currently in the toughest two months ive ever had to face...
dealing with this debt has been the hardest thing...im living paycheck to paycheck, unable to pay off my credit card $4000 debt because i only get paid enough to pay what I owe that month, and unable to pay even the minimum per month...i would get notices in the mail with electricity and cable threatening to turn off service if I dont pay, and with God's grace I have been able to pay it at the last minute...
my car is proving to be a detriment to me, as i couple months ago the mechanics told me I needed new tires plus about $500 worth of brake repairs... so while I fear for my life as I drive, I know I can't afford to pay for even the new tires...
i even begged my work to increase my monthly disbursement of my stipend or giving me a lump sum to pay off my debt, but they said it goes against their policies....so I continue to incur interest as I fail to make payments for my credit card...
grad school decides to surprise me and make me pay for winter session, which had I known I had to pay for, would have not agreed to apply... but now I have to ask for $4500 loan for winter session which I dont know how I'll get approved.
what's worse is that i have no support whatsoever... my parents are completely upset with me, and my mom has been ignoring my phone calls...the people who I usually can count on to provide me comfort and tell me "its going to be okay" have left me in the dust... im embarrassed to go home for thanksgiving because I dont want to show my face to my parents... i feel like ive failed them
one thing that has gotten me through was the notion that despite this, God has provided me a victory and I need to understand that while I am struggling in this world, its only temporary and will pass....I know God is testing my faith to see if will remain faithful even in the desert.... "God doesn't necessarily change our circumstances but changes our perspective"--FCA 2010 quote. I'm trying to keep in mind that He will provide and that he has "plans for me, to prosper and not harm me, to provide me hope and a future.."--Jeremiah 29:11
while these times are somber and my circumstances are rough... I understand that "to everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heavens... a time to break down, a time to build up.... a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to weep, a time to dance..." Ecclessiastes 3:1-8....I don't know what season or reason for everything.. but I know He has a purpose for everything.... when I figure that out, I'll let you know....
Thanks for all the prayers and support....
Marc
dealing with this debt has been the hardest thing...im living paycheck to paycheck, unable to pay off my credit card $4000 debt because i only get paid enough to pay what I owe that month, and unable to pay even the minimum per month...i would get notices in the mail with electricity and cable threatening to turn off service if I dont pay, and with God's grace I have been able to pay it at the last minute...
my car is proving to be a detriment to me, as i couple months ago the mechanics told me I needed new tires plus about $500 worth of brake repairs... so while I fear for my life as I drive, I know I can't afford to pay for even the new tires...
i even begged my work to increase my monthly disbursement of my stipend or giving me a lump sum to pay off my debt, but they said it goes against their policies....so I continue to incur interest as I fail to make payments for my credit card...
grad school decides to surprise me and make me pay for winter session, which had I known I had to pay for, would have not agreed to apply... but now I have to ask for $4500 loan for winter session which I dont know how I'll get approved.
what's worse is that i have no support whatsoever... my parents are completely upset with me, and my mom has been ignoring my phone calls...the people who I usually can count on to provide me comfort and tell me "its going to be okay" have left me in the dust... im embarrassed to go home for thanksgiving because I dont want to show my face to my parents... i feel like ive failed them
one thing that has gotten me through was the notion that despite this, God has provided me a victory and I need to understand that while I am struggling in this world, its only temporary and will pass....I know God is testing my faith to see if will remain faithful even in the desert.... "God doesn't necessarily change our circumstances but changes our perspective"--FCA 2010 quote. I'm trying to keep in mind that He will provide and that he has "plans for me, to prosper and not harm me, to provide me hope and a future.."--Jeremiah 29:11
while these times are somber and my circumstances are rough... I understand that "to everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heavens... a time to break down, a time to build up.... a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to weep, a time to dance..." Ecclessiastes 3:1-8....I don't know what season or reason for everything.. but I know He has a purpose for everything.... when I figure that out, I'll let you know....
Thanks for all the prayers and support....
Marc
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
[gasping for air]
i feel trapped.... i feel like im drowning in an abyss, with my legs shackled, unable to paddle up to the surface for air....i feel like im in a maze with no way out.... i feel hopeless.
$4000 in debt and no money in the bank to pay for food/rent/bills. The money I make with my stipend is able to pay part of it, and I usually have to wait for the next paycheck until its enough to pay one bill, so I'm often behind on my payments.
I know I did this to myself and it was only a matter of time until my habits started to punish me... but I've never been more depressed and stressed about something....
I can't do my homework....I havent been excited to go out and be with friends... when I'm with the people I love, I feel distant. I was hanging with my best friends whom I havent seen in 2 months last weekend, and while I was happy to see them, I wasn't myself. I wasn't the Marc they knew 2 months ago.... I don't know if they noticed...I tried faking being happy... but I was bothered by the looming dark cloud trailing behind me.
I want to have faith to know that God will provide... but right now its tough when deadlines are missed and bills are overdue. I've been trying to be wise about my spending habits... but theres no hope when Im so far in this hole....
I neeed a miracle...
$4000 in debt and no money in the bank to pay for food/rent/bills. The money I make with my stipend is able to pay part of it, and I usually have to wait for the next paycheck until its enough to pay one bill, so I'm often behind on my payments.
I know I did this to myself and it was only a matter of time until my habits started to punish me... but I've never been more depressed and stressed about something....
I can't do my homework....I havent been excited to go out and be with friends... when I'm with the people I love, I feel distant. I was hanging with my best friends whom I havent seen in 2 months last weekend, and while I was happy to see them, I wasn't myself. I wasn't the Marc they knew 2 months ago.... I don't know if they noticed...I tried faking being happy... but I was bothered by the looming dark cloud trailing behind me.
I want to have faith to know that God will provide... but right now its tough when deadlines are missed and bills are overdue. I've been trying to be wise about my spending habits... but theres no hope when Im so far in this hole....
I neeed a miracle...
Monday, November 8, 2010
DEVO: Counting on God
“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
-Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)
My friend Sam is a promising, young basketball player. He has all the skills necessary in order to play varsity at his school, but recent injuries and other setbacks have gotten in the way of his hoop dreams. In fact, he just found out he has a stress fracture in his shin, which is news that, at 16, can be heartbreaking. Even though Sam has an unbelievable support system at home, this setback has been incredibly difficult for him to handle.
1. What circumstances in your life are making you doubt God?
2. Have you had a major injury or setback that caused you pain and suffering? How did you feel about God during these times?
3. What did you learn about Him through that time? If you’re going through it right now, what have you learned so far, and what do you think He wants you to learn?
4. Pray today that you can find that unspeakable joy and that no matter what life throws your way you will count on God to help, comfort, and teach you how you should respond.
Extra Verses
Isaiah 55:8-9
Hebrews 13:8
-Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)
My friend Sam is a promising, young basketball player. He has all the skills necessary in order to play varsity at his school, but recent injuries and other setbacks have gotten in the way of his hoop dreams. In fact, he just found out he has a stress fracture in his shin, which is news that, at 16, can be heartbreaking. Even though Sam has an unbelievable support system at home, this setback has been incredibly difficult for him to handle.
In life, there aren’t many guarantees. We may have the best game of our life today and then have the worst tomorrow. The only thing we can do is obey our calling to be faithful and do our best for God’s glory.
But what happens when you don’t feel God in your life? You know He is there, but it sure doesn’t seem like it or feel like it. In the Proverbs verse above, we read that we can make our plans, but we don’t determine our steps. Who does? The Lord. But what if His way isn’t MY way? That is a big question in sports, especially when it comes to injuries. And, I wish I could give you all the answers, but I can’t. Everyone’s situation is different, and we aren’t all the same. The only thing we can count on is that we all are loved by the same faithful God who is always the same—today, tomorrow, and forever.
I’ve had my share of setbacks in life—from cancer, to problems with my heart and blood pressure. But one thing I have always been able to count on is God. We all are in a spiritual fight and taking part in a war not of this world. But like it says in one popular song, there is a light that is beautiful and we can have joy unspeakable that won’t go away—enough strength to make it today and the promise that we won’t have to worry what each day will bring. We can have a rock-solid faith.
Boy, does that sound good or what? How can we have this type of peace and faith? It starts by counting on God daily. No matter what life throws at us, we can count on God to determine our steps.
As for Sam, time will tell where his heart will go. These setbacks will either grow him or consume him. Our prayer is that Sam will be counting on God through the good times and the bad, and that when he looks back in years to come, he will know without a shadow of doubt that God was ALWAYS there. Just like He is for you and for me. 1. What circumstances in your life are making you doubt God?
2. Have you had a major injury or setback that caused you pain and suffering? How did you feel about God during these times?
3. What did you learn about Him through that time? If you’re going through it right now, what have you learned so far, and what do you think He wants you to learn?
4. Pray today that you can find that unspeakable joy and that no matter what life throws your way you will count on God to help, comfort, and teach you how you should respond.
Extra Verses
Isaiah 55:8-9
Hebrews 13:8
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